It’s Been a While

We’ll start this entry off with an image that speaks for itself.

BOOYAH, bitches!
My campfire toes are particularly loquacious.

This is the first time since 2005, I think, that I’ve seen the other side of 200 pounds. It feels like it’s been a lot longer than eight years since I climbed onto the scale and saw a “1” at the beginning of the number. I am thoroughly pleased with myself for being able to do that this morning. (My husband was kind enough to take the picture for me.)

Even with the Band, there have been difficulties. I still get food cravings, and sometimes I give into them. I still have a tendency to overeat (though I believe I’ve been much better about it lately). There are still days when I just wish I could eat a whole burrito or pig out on ice cream. But it really is easier with the Band. It is helpful to me personally to no longer have the ability to eat the way I used to. And the amount of progress I’ve made is also galvanizing me to eat better, because I don’t want to gain anything back. Fuck you, fat. I won’t miss you.

So, that’s forty and change pounds down. There are sixty more to go before I’m at my goal weight. I shall have to find some way to celebrate this momentous occasion. Apart from, y’know, bouncing around the house and squeeing incessantly.

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Some Links for Today

So a friend of mine published her first CD last year, and on it is a track called “Long Time Comin'”. I’ve been thinking of sharing this song here for a while because it’s really appropriate, I think, for anyone who’s had a chronic illness, be it a mental or physical one. You can listen to a sample of it on Amazon. Sadly I don’t see the full lyrics available online anywhere, but the song is well worth the $.99 download if the sample piques your interest (and I actually highly recommend just buying the entire album because it’s good stuff).

Secondly, an author whom I have friended on Facebook made an amazing post yesterday about her own recent weight loss and her years-long battle with weight and body image. Maybe you can relate? I know I did. And anyway it’s always nice to know that you’re not alone. This is part one in a series, it seems, and I for one am really looking forward to the next installment.

And that’s it. We’re off to Cincinnati tomorrow morning for a concert, and I look forward to wearing my “new” pants tomorrow.

Milestone

I hit a milestone today. It’s a big one for me personally, and I suppose it means more to me than it does to anyone else, but nevertheless, I’m excited about it.

I have this pair of leather pants, see. I bought them as a high school graduation present to myself. Well, when I graduated high school, I was around 190 pounds (I know, because I still have the driver’s license to prove it). So I haven’t been able to wear these pants in years. I decided that, given how much weight I’ve lost, I wanted to go ahead and try them on, knowing full well that they might not fit me yet. I was ok with that. Still, when I reached for them just a few moments ago, it was with no small amount of trepidation.

I put one foot into one leg and pulled them up. …there was plenty of room, which surprised me. So far, so good.

I put the other foot in the other leg (and no, I did not shake anything “all around”) and brought the two sides of the fly together.

…these bitches are actually a little loose. They’re a size 18, and they’re fricking loose.

…right, so. I guess I know of a garment that will be entering into my regular concert wear rotation.

I have no idea what I presently weigh. When I checked on my usual day this past Saturday, I was still over 200 pounds. But still. My pants fit. Holy shit.

(Next step: Exercising such that I actually have some shape to my backside instead of pancake-butt.)

Anyway, I’m excited and thought I would share.

Oh, and before I forget, yesterday was actually another milestone. I willingly went for a walk in—*gasp*—shorts. Like, in public. And I was comfortable in them. And actually they’re insanely baggy, too.

For those of you who don’t know me well enough to understand why this is a big deal, I have not worn pants or pants-like garments in public since…2007? 2006? Anyway, I’ve been making my own clothes—all skirts—for the better part of a decade now and eschewing any garments with legs in favor of comfort. Partially I just wanted to hide the flabby bits by draping them in fabric—I really don’t care for the way I look in straight-leg pants—and partially I was so big that I couldn’t find any pants loose enough to be comfortable. (Though when I started wearing skirts full-time, it was originally because I really just love swathing myself in yards and yards of flowy, pretty fabrics. It’s a nice, simple way to make every day feel a little elegant.)

Today I went for another walk in shorts. I don’t know that I’ll start wearing things that aren’t skirts full-time again any time ever, much less soon—skirts are just way too much damn fun—but it is nice to be able to be out in public in shorts again without feeling horrendously embarrassed.

I hope everyone is having as awesome an evening as I am.